The Big Duggar Baby Memorial Debate.

The parents of the family that stars in the high debated reality show are the topic of even more debates as they released photos from the memorial of the baby that they lost before birth. People are saying they are disgusting photos. They are saying these things should remain private.

Let me preface this whole thing by saying:

  1. I don’t have cable by choice.
  2. I have never watched a single episode of the Duggar’s show.
  3. I think reality TV shows are lame.
  4. I could care less about how many kids they have, they clearly can support the ones they have better than many Americans can support the one or two children that they might have.
  5. I wouldn’t want that many kids; that’s why I got my tubes tied.
  6. I don’t know why any family would want to be in a reality TV show, but I do understand sharing your life with strangers in hopes that you will somehow leave your mark on the world. That’s why I share so much personal information here, on this blog.
The only thing that I am “disgusted” with about this entire thing is the disgusting COMMENTS people have been making to and about this family.  It started as soon as she lost the baby. People asked when she would learn her lesson that she just has too many kids. Is that what pregnancy loss teaches us?  Is that why it happens? REALLY?! Because my daughter was stillborn during what was my very first pregnancy.

 

People asked when she would realize that it was time to turn in the Mama Hat for the Grandma Hat.  Will these same people say that to the co-worker attempting pregnancy for the first time at 45?  Because that’s how old she is.

 

Take a look at this comment I found on the article that showed the photos:
  • “stop making babies so this doesnt keep happening. be grateful for the children you already have. act civilized.”
When he says “act civilized,”  I wonder if he means, never use capital letters? Telling someone who already has children that they should just be grateful for those children instead of grieve for the baby that just died is ANYTHING but civilized. That child had a name: Jubilee. See, THIS VERY ATTITUDE is most likely why the Duggars chose to share these photos. Look at what was inscribed on the photo:
Duggar baby photo

 

This is what the world can learn from the publication of their loss.

Without making any political statement whatsoever, I would like to add that the photos of this child’s beautiful hands and feet can help so many women understand their own losses. These photos can validate to so many of us who have lost a baby that they were real people.  Instead of loathing the Duggars for showing us a tiny set of feet and hands, perhaps we should thank them for helping us see what we almost never do.

5 Comments

  1. LaDonna

    I could not have said this better myself. As a mother of 6 beautiful, healthy children (I have never had a miscarriage or child loss), we get all the snide comments from strangers, though on a smaller.scale I’m sure. Every child is important, no matter their age (or gestation). Each pregnancy means joy and hope for a future that may never be. And, a late second trimester miscarriage means birth…that strong woman had to give birth to a baby she will never get to see grow. The lack of respect from other people is abhorrent.

  2. Kenda Wathen

    Thank you for what you have said. I have lost two to miscarriage and it is a real loss no matter how many children you have. I could not handle a family that large but evidently they can and that is there choice. I too was offended by some of the comments that have been aimed at them.

  3. Trisha W.

    I went to look for the photos you were referencing after reading this post, I saw some very tasteful ones here http://www.everythingbirthblog.com/2011/12/the-big-duggar-baby-memorial-debate/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+EverythingBirth+%28Everything+Birth%27s+Blog+on+Midwifery%2C+Attachment+Parenting%2C+Cloth+Diapers+and+More%29&utm_content=FaceBook.

    I suspect some people are upset about the photos because they show without a doubt that it is a baby and not a blob a flesh that was residing Michelle Duggar’s womb. Seeing the perfectly formed hands and feet of such a tiny baby can be quite a shock to someone who supports abortion or to someone who had abortion after they were told it’s not really a baby ‘yet’.

    Having had an early miscarriage years ago, I can tell you if my baby was born early like Jubilee, I too would have wanted some pictures to remember my baby by. Although we did not know the sex of our lost baby, we did name the baby Hope. Thank you for sharing this.

  4. i wonder if the people who consider the photos of the baby’s memorial “disgusting” get worked up over other images shown frequently on tv…like tv violence. Do people getting shot upset them? Shows portraying women getting raped? Stores getting robbed? Some may argue that these are just pretend not really happening but what is the difference? They are graphic or really really graphic and are suppose to appear real. Because I would consider those things disgusting. I have not seen the images mentioned here but from other comments i understand they are of hands and feet? not too disturbing. I think it just enforces they lost a little person. Something many people who say nasty things seem to have forgotten.

    To say anyone anywhere deserves to ever lose a baby during pregnancy is simply horrible. Even if for some reason you thought the parent was a horrible person and didn’t deserve a child, you are really saying the child didn’t deserve to have a life as well. Who does something think they are to make decisions like anyways? Is it up to us to make such decisions as who deserves life?

    The Duggers being public about their tragedy accomplishes one thing for sure. It lets others know who have ever been through something like this or who will in the future that they are not alone. Its something that happens to other people too. I lost a baby about 1/2 way through a pregnancy as well. From the moment I found out I just kept saying and thinking “how could this happen. This never happens, not this far into pregnancy” (I did not have any reason for my loss. No reason could be found. The baby tested healthy and no other apparent cause could be seen). I blamed myself in trying to understand how it could have happened. I must have done something to cause it. Since that happened learning of others who have gone through something much like me has really helped me see that YES it does happen! I am not alone. It doesn’t make me a terrible person or an unworthy person or any of the other feelings I had. They have let others know it can happen to anyone! I am one who is personally thankful to them for that.

  5. Shannon R

    I don’t see anything anywhere that could be considered disgusting! As a NICU nurse, I have made memory boxes for families that have lost babies, with much more “graphic” (cant think of a better word there) than these. These pictures are only of her feet and a hand, there is nothing disturbing about that. I think these are very tasteful, and perfectly practical choices to share. I’m sure they have many more pictures, that may have upset some people.
    I guess I am shocked, tho shouldn’t be, by the things people are saying. Maybe they have never experienced a loss like this. They clearly have a different view of life than I do. It saddens me that our world has become so cold. I personally have not lost a baby, thank God, but have helped many families begin to deal with the pain. I have never heard a more heartbreaking sound, than that of a mother who has just lost her baby. Maybe if the people out there that are so quick to judge, took a moment to reflect on themselves and how they would feel (just try to imagine), then they could understand that a picture of a little hand and little feet is beautiful.
    Anyway, thank you for your posting, it’s nice to see someone write an understanding and non-judgemental posting! And I definitely couldn’t have said it better!

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